I'm thrusted in a dilemma. And boy do I need some answers.

I am really glad that he was frank with me. At least he gave me the option to back off. But it's so hard; one part of me doesn't not want to be caught up in all these, one part of me just isn't willing to let go so easily. I mean, it isn't easy for me to form a liking for someone nowadays (you should see my hate-list) and now that I finally did, it really pains me to make such a decision. It just twists my heart real bad when I think about it. I was happy, but I don't think it will last. We just have too contrasting views, and I do not think I am prepared to accept them. Do not think only. I really do not know. All I know is if I give in, I will lose some of my closest friends and my ___. If I don't, I am bracing myself for a serious heartache. And I do not want both.

I miss him. I really do. All I want is for him to give me a big hug, stroke my hair, and tell me not to worry too much. But, it will never happen. Cos the problem is him. The cause of my emotional roller coaster these days. Besides giving me security, he also taught me a lot of stuff. Stuff that I would otherwise never know. I was never more smittened by anyone else. He is straight-forward, certain, and knows exactly what he wants. That is what I admire most about him. And what repels me from him. He doesn't know this, but he has impacted me more than I can imagine. In ways that even I may not be aware of.

However I always have the niggling fear at the back of my mind that what I feel is completely one-sided. He always says he loves me and wants to make me happy, but at that point of time, was his heart truly with me? If I back off in the end, will he hurt inside, or simply find another person to take my place? I really hope that the feeling is mutual.

He said to take my time to think over it. But it makes it all the more harder. The longer it drags, the more I feel I cannot lose him. Shit, the feeling's terrible. I hate making such decisions. But it's a reality I have to face.

Sorry to bore, but I had to get it off my chest.

Now, to follow my head, or my heart. I don't know.



我的最爱 - 张韶涵

像一场梦却醒不过来
另一个我在看着我
她问我值不值得 为你付出所有
只要一想起你的温柔
就会让我看不清楚
你想做的你