what a lovely friend i am

I am seriously disgusted by myself.

I was typing this long entry moaning about how extremely foul my mood was just now cos there were this two freaking groups of people that pissed me off real badly via SMS, especially when I was happily out in Chinatown trying to be infected with the CNY mood and all, which failed FYI. And it dragged from dinner at Maxwell Food Centre all the way til Great World City- about a couple of hours I think. The fumes were like building up through me for like 2 or so hours and when I reached home I intended to blog out all my hatred and hopefully make the world a more unfriendly place.

As I was trying my best to convert these mundane whining into a more lyrical form, a dear friend enlightened me about one of the groups of people that I was hopping mad about.

AND NOW I FEEL SO EVIL AND MEAN FOR BEING ANGRY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Guilt poured into me quicker than water through a broken dam that I immediately deleted whatever I was shrieking (in my head, that's the tone) about.

I SHOULD SERIOUSLY WIN THE "WORST FRIEND EVER" AWARD.

-buries head in hands-

I have always considered myself a pretty good friend to my pals. Yes, I like to whine, bitch, yadda yadda, but if any of you need a helping hand, I will always do my best to help no matter how big the issue is. Sounds like self-promoting. -wry smile-

But this time, I freaking blew my top cos I reckon that this party totally put me in a bad mood and spoil the day's plans and so on, without pausing to think that maybe they have their reasons and was trying to put it in a non-offensive way. Guiltguiltguilt. I am actually so selfish and only know how to think for my well-being instead of seeing it from the other person's point of view. And the person has been my friend for like what, 6 years already?

I am so ashamed of myself.

I should have known it. Now that it has been spelt out word for word in front of my face, the vague hints that they have dropped time and again seem to resurface and piece themselves into this piece of information that I, a 6 years friend, failed to notice from the very start. Ok, I lied a little. I have actually seen some of these unnatural actions but I chose to laugh it off, thinking it probably isn't very significant. But now thinking, if I were in your shoes, I would surely make a big hoo-ha out of it and everything would not be the way it is today. But you kept silent. For all this time. Not bringing it into everyone's attention. Ha, so you.

So thus, my New Year resolution for 2009 is: to be a hell lot more sensitive to my friends' subtle actions and not to jump straight to conclusions and piss myself badly.

The above cannot accurately show how I'm feeling right now, cos I'm really really really freaking guilty. I think I shall treat the said party nicer by 3129803 times from now on. :(

Nonetheless, I am glad that the realization sunk in sooner than later where it would just be more awkward for everyone. I AM SO SORRY MY DEAR FRIENDDDDDDDDDDD (though they wouldn't see this anyway)

Emo...