She spoke my thoughts aloud.

It has already been one year; how much have I truly learnt? And how much am I able to execute at a much higher level?

It pains me as I struggle to produce an answer.

It is once again affecting my mood. Sometimes it really stings when others feel that you are not putting in your 100% or treating it seriously when in fact, that is already on the brink of your efforts. Which brings me to my next point. The discreptency in my 100% vs the rest of the team. Maybe I am not putting in enough, not sacrificing enough when I am already far, far away at the start. Maybe I am subconsciously reluctant to steer away from my normal pace of life to this new realm that I've entered and thus require a hastier lifestyle.

I don't want to be a shitty player. I don't want to remain at the bottom.

I really don't know.

Maybe I was wrong - to believe that I will be able to conquer something totally foreign once I've set my mind to it. Maybe I'm not cut out for it. I'm tired already. One year of feedback, criticism and encouragement. But still I don't see a visible hop.



Help me.