Got to say I was really happy to be playing today, cos in all seriousness I thought I would be a land sub, given my chui-ness. But no, I was given the chance to be down in the water. T_T
Being contented with the seemingly meaningless things + desperately don't want to screw anything up + the desire to up my game in every match.
It is as though I am given the courage to try new things, but lack the other supporting equipment to perform. Except I am an annoying little bug who clings on no matter what happens. I guess this is the supposed 'perseverance' people talk about?
Who doesn't want to be good in anything they do? Of cos I do. Unfortunately I am such a lousy game reader and a far from aggressive person, but I tried. I really did. But I guess to others, trying without results isn't really trying at all. Which I totally understand of cos. I mean, after three years of playing, no one can really say they don't get the game if they are trying right? But I digress.
It may seem retarded but I actually do feel genuinely happy whenever I am given a chance to play. So much so that it makes it to the list of 'Top 50 things to be happy about'. I suppose it's because I always feel I am not meant to be a sportsperson with such sucky skills, that when people actually TRUST me enough to play and hopefully not make things worse, my heart gives a leap. But maybe I just think too much and they are just pitying the underdog.
But despite such possibilities, this SP Opens is definitely better for me compared to last year since I have never got the chance to attack properly before, since I was in a team half filled with seniors far better than I am. But then again it was last year that my standard started to gradually climb up (believe me, I was THAAAAT bad) and my throwing became harder and faster (yay), for one. So yeah, I do not regret last year as it was nice knowing my seniors more and picking up tips from them, which was hugely beneficial to me. But I was never a significant role then. Now I feel that I am contributing (hopefully) more to the team and putting in a lot more effort than before. And I shot in my first ever competition goal ever!! Was jubilant for a moment until I remember some people probably have shot hundreds of goals in their lives.
But one step at a time. One can become two, and three, and four....
Tomorrow is the last day of SP Opens. Hope I can contribute more to the team, and be given a chance to.
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