difficult decisions made in the past

are sometimes difficult to decide in the present too.

Whenever I think of the incident I can almost taste the same helplessness, stress, and self-loathing. When life throws you a dilemma you can't handle, assertiveness and confidence start shriveling into little raisins, magnifying the situation like darkness devouring a small town. It just makes me want to shut my eyes and distant myself from it, hoping it would somehow solve by itself. I guess this is why some people favour indecisiveness; at least if the consequence is horrible you know that it wasn't your fault it all ended in shit (kind of).

Feeling terrible on many counts. Affecting others as well as myself. It wouldn't work, no matter what was decided upon.

All in all I'm just glad it's over, whatever the unpleasant outcome was.

I really, really don't want to end up in any more situations which pits family/bf against polo anymore.



Just a random Sunday night musing. Happy Boxing Day. I really should blog more to combat the sluggishness of my brain.